People

People are stupid.

I'm ashamed to be one.

A Sheep's Life

8 & 13 (and possibly some others) have started a blog. It's called A Sheep's Life, and judging by the comments (or lack thereof) their blog needs more readers.

For a relatively young blog, there are quite a lot of posts, so it's evident that these sheep like to write!

So head on over to http://asheepslife.blogspot.com where you can follow (in real time) their cross-country roadtrip adventure!

shmily

SHMILY

Why don't I annoy myself?

Last night I was in the kitcken (cooking of course), and I heard that Dr. Pepper commerical come on TV -- you know, the one where that guy and girl are in a restaurant and he's trying to talk to her, and she starts sipping a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, and this music starts playing in the background:

du duuu duu du du

And every time the guy says something, to her, it just sounds like "Fa nah meh nah"

You know the one? Of course you do!

So anyway, I was singing that song b/c I find it so catchy, and I was going:

du duuu duu du du (Fa nah meh nah)
du duuu duu du du (Fa nah meh nah)
du duuu duu du du (Fa nah meh nah)
du duuu duu du du (Fa nah meh nah)

And after about 5 minutes of this (give or take 10 minutes), my wife shouts from the living room "SHUT UP!"

So I said "Why do I annoy you but I don't annoy myself?"

And she said "I don't know!"

Honey BBQ Chicken

This recipe is excellent and not difficult at all.

Ingredients:

• Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (I used 3 b/c I was cooking for 3 people)
• BBQ sauce (your favorite brand from the grocery store is fine)
• Honey (about 1 - 2 tablespoons per chicken breasts -- eyeball it)
• 1 can of beer (darker is better, but any kind will do)
  

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.
   
2. In a bowl or a large plastic zip-lock bag (what I like to use) marinate the chicken in a BBQ sauce/honey mixture for about 2 - 3 hours (longer is better). How much BBQ sauce? Doesn't matter really; just make sure the chicken is thoroughly covered. Be liberal though, b/c we're going to make use of some of the leftover sauce later (so there need to be leftover sauce).
3. Heat and iron skillet over medium-high heat until the pan is evenly hot throughout (the handle should be quite hot to the touch).
4. Drizzle in a little vegetable or olive oil into the pan, and let it get really hot. This should help a little bit with sticking and also add a little extra flavor.
5. Use tongs to place the chicken breasts in the iron skillet (be sure to shake off any excess sauce first). Sear on both sides 3 to 4 minutes (might want to open a window).
6. Place the seared chicken in the oven at 375 for about 12 to 15 minutes (keep an eye on it; you don't want its internal temperature to get much past 160 b/c we're going to broil it next and that will raise the temperature even more).
7. Meanwhile, take any left over Honey-BBQ sauce and pour it into the iron skillet. Now, remember that the sauce was toucing raw chicken, so we want to get this sauce to a boil to kill any "bugs" that might lurking. Also stir frequently b/c you don't want the sauce to stick.
8. Pour about 1/2 a can of beer into the BBQ sauce, and turn heat to low. We want the mixture to reduce into a nice think BBQ sauce.
9. After 12 to 15 minutes (or when the chicken has reached about 160) remove it from the oven and place on a broiling pan. Also, turn the oven to broil and move the rack to the second highest slot from the top.
10. Brush the beer-reduced, Honey-BBQ sauce onto the chicken (both sides) and place under the broiler for 3 - 4 minutes (or until the sauce begins to bubble).
11. Remove the chicken and rebrush both sides with more sauce, and place until the broiler again for another minute or two.
12. Repeat a third time if desired.
13. Double check to make sure the internal temperature of the chicken is at least 160 (165 is what you really want to be safe, but the chicken should continue cooking after it's been removed from the heat).
14. Let the chicken rest for about 5 before serving.
15. Plate with green beans or asparagus, maybe some potatoes, or cole slaw (heck, whatever you want).
16. Say a prayer.
17. Eat and enjoy!

This recipe seems long and complicated I know, but it's really not too hard, and it's well worth it.

One nice variation that I like to do is add a can of pineapple chunks (sans juice) to the chicken while it's baking in the oven. You can also pour a little of the pineapple juice into the BBQ sauce (along with the beer) while its reducing. It really adds a nice flavor.

Comments welcome.

COME ON!

You've got to be kidding me! Am I right or am I right? EVERYTHING the so-called "experts" tell us gets reversed.

Remember how raisins were considered "nature's candy"? Because of their high sugar content, many dentists warn against them?

Well, here's a shocker. Some experts now believe "Raisins may help you keep cavities away."

See for yourself: http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2005-06/09/content_3061674.htm

FREAKING IDIOTS! ALL OF 'EM!

Human Side of a Holy Man

HAHAHAH! Funniest picture ever!

This is Patriarch Bartholomew spearing a cat with his staff (naturally, because after all, that's why those Orthodox Patriarchs are given staffs in the first place -- so they can kill cats with them).

As "Spiritual Leader of the World's 300 million Orthodox Christians" (seriously, where do journalists get this crap? It makes it sound like he's the equivalent of the Catholic Pope), Patriarch Bartholomew has the all-important responsibility of setting a good example for all Orthodox believers. And that he does! For what better way is there to exemplify a Christ-like life than by spearing a cat?

For all of the idiots reading my blog who thought I was being serious (you know who you are) here is the actual copy that goes along with the above photo.

"They say a picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, a picture says a lot about a person -- in this case, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew, spiritual leader of 300 million Orthodox Christians worldwide [there we go again]."

On a typically-busy afternoon at the Phanar -- the Church's ancient headquarters in Istanbul, Turkey, in between visiting dignitaries, intense meetings and solemn church services, Patriarch Bartholomew stops for a moment to play with... a cat.

He explained that a family of cats have taken shelter within the compound of the Patriarchate. 'They too are God's creatures and deserve our love.' After tickling the cat with his staff for several seconds, he jokingly commented that he should be careful what he does, as a photograph of this instance -- taken out of context -- could be misconstrued as animal abuse. 'That's all we need now,' the Patriarch laughed continued playing with his feline friend."

Comments welcome (encouraged in fact).

Honey Lemon Chicken

It's been much too long since I posted an original recipe, and since that's really what this blog is supposed to be all about, I figured it was time I get my act together.

Last night, I made Honey Lemon Chicken. This recipe sounds good, and in theory, I think it should be good. But it wasn't that good. I can't quite pinpoint why -- could have been that I overcooked the chicken, may have marinated it too long (or used too much lemon), or perhaps I the trusty ol' iron skillet would have been a better choice than the broiler.

Whatever it was, last night's dish was just average. But, like many of my recipes, I believe this one has great potential; it's just not quite there yet.

Ingredients:

• 2 boneless, skinless, chicken breasts (about 6 ounces each, already thawed)
• The juice from one lemon
• A few tablespoons of honey (2 to 3 per piece of chicken)
• A few squirts of olive oil (don't go crazy 'cause we'll be using more later)
• A touch of cumin (less than a teaspoon unless you want your chicken to smell like B.O.)
• Kosher salt (a pinch or two)
• Freshly ground black peper

Directions:

1. In a good sized bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, honey, olive oil, and cumin.
2. Marinate both pieces of chicken in the lemon/honey mixture for about 10 to 15 min (but absolutely no more than 20).
   
3. Use tongs to place each chicken breast on a broiling pan, and sprinkle with kosher salt and black pepper.
4. Place under the broiler (two slots away from the top) for about 10 minutes.
5. After 10 minutes, flip the chicken breasts over and broil for another 10 minutes.
6. Remove the boiling pan, and move the rack up to the closest spot near the broiler.
7. Flip the chicken back over and drizzle with olive oil.
8. Place back under the broiler for another 3 to 5 minutes (the idea here is to get a nice sear on the surface of the meat.).
   
9. Let the meat rest a good 5 minutes before serving (if you don't rest your meat, you might as well not even bother cooking it).
10. Say a prayer.
11. Eat and enjoy!
    

After-thoughts:

The internal temperature of poultry should be about 165 degrees Fahrenheit in order to be safe. If you get much past 170 though, the chicken will probably be a bit dry. My chicken was well past 170 by the time I finished step 8, and that might have been why I wasn't thrilled with the dish.

You might consider, broiling for only about 7 minutes on each side before doing step 8. Just be sure your instant read thermometer says the chicken is safe (you'd better have an instant read thermometer -- it's a culinary essential).

Another option might be to sear the chicken in an iron skillet. The chicken I cooked was a little bland. Cooking it in a skillet would help keep what little fat there is (from the chicken itself and from the olive oil) in the chicken breast, rather than having it drip down into the broiling pan.

Some of you might be tempted to suggest marinating the chicken longer, because generally, the longer you marinate something, the more the flavorful that something will ultimately be. In this case though, I wouldn't recommend it. Citrus tends to break meat down quickly, and if you marinate it too long, the result will be a curiously strong, citrus flavored chicken (trust me, I marinated the chicken for an hour once, and it was definitely not good).

Other than that, I'm not sure what else to try, so your comments are definitely welcome.

Michael Buble

Michael Buble is my new favorite musician. Man, this guy can really sing! His voice is amazing. Check out his web site: http://www.michaelbuble.com

And it's pronounced "Boo-blay" not "bubble."

Oh, by the way, I had lemon-honey chicken for dinner tonight (hey, this is a cooking blog... I have to weave food in here somehow right?)

Don't think. Just live, and you'll be fine.

I've been saying for years that you should take everything the "experts" from the scientific community tell you with a grain of salt because it's only a matter of time before they reverse what they originally thought.

At one time, eggs were unhealthy and a major cause of high cholesterol, then a few years later, a couple of eggs a week was thought to be very healthy. Then, somewhere along the line, they became unhealthy again, and who knows where we are at present.

The same thing is pretty much true for EVERYTHING: wine, beer, nuts, red meat, chicken, carbohydrates. Even dark chocolate in small quantities is thought to be a cancer preventitive (but don't get too excited choc-o-holics. It's only a matter of time before that verdict is reversed).

So my personal philosophy is: Just Live! Forget what you heard in the news last week, and just live your life, treating everything in moderation. Alton Brown said it best:

"...there are no bad foods, only bad eating habits. Butter is not wrong, eating a stick of it at one sitting is; sugar is not bad, eating a cup of it a day is; carbohydrates are not evil.

So enjoy your cooking, enjoy eating (and I say savor licking the batter off those beaters), but do it responsibly and with moderation."

And this goes, not only for food, but for everything in life. Why am I blogging about this? Because I just read an article online that clinched it for me. I'm am now completely and totally convinced that nothing the "experts" tells us can be taken seriously, because it's only a matter of time before they renege.

Case in point: Scientists Say Sunshine May Prevent Cancer
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20050521/D8A7MPFG0.html
If that doesn't convince you I'm right, nothing will!

Comments welcome.

I think...

I think washing your hands is stupid.

American Idol

Bo Bice Rocks! I said from day one he should win, and it looks like he's going to. He's far and away the best from any season of American Idol. I'm ready to go out and buy his CD right now.

Carrie is also excellent and definitely deserves the #2 stop. Vonzell should never have even made the top 3 and Anthony should have been eliminated weeks ago.

They should have Kelly Clarkson come back as a celebrity judge. I can't wait to start Yoga next year.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree?

Discuss.

Rent vs. Buy

I know, I know. When it comes to blogging regularly (like a good blogger should) I've been failing miserably. But I feel like I have a good excuse: we're in the process of trying to find a place to live. That's pretty important right?

Problem is, we can't decide if it makes more sense to rent or to buy. The housing market here in Baltimore is just out of control. That might be good, and it might be bad. If it stays out of control, chances are good that in two years, we'd make some good money. If people all of the sudden come to their senses and are no longer willing to pay 300K for 1000 square feet of space (c'mon who are we kidding -- people (as a whole) will never come to their senses), then we might just barely brake even, or even worse: lose money.

I'm not all that concerned about a "housing bubble" because quite honestly, I don't think that's going to happen soon. However, I am concerned about something else that was pointed out to me. A lot of people who bought houses in the last 5, 7 or 10 years, got a mortgage of 5, 7 or 10 year Arm. That means that after their initial 5, 7 or 10 year, their interest rates could go up significantly. Since people tend to live outside of their means, a lot of those people will no longer be able to make their payments after their interest rates increase. Thus, they will be forced to get rid of their homes, and all of the sudden we have more houses on the market. And this is not a good thing if my goals is to make 50K in two years from Real Estate.

So the million dollar question. Does it make more sense to rent or to buy? I'm taking a poll, and I need your input!

Please consider the following:

1. It is very likely that will we only be in Baltimore for about 2 more years (though the possibility exists for 3 or 4 (tops).
2. Our monthly mortgage payment would probably be in excess of $2200! For 3/4 of that, we could get an awesome apartment.
3. I'm ultra, ultra conservative with my money and don't like to spend large sums of money ($20) at at once. A pair of pants that costs more than $20 is extravagent in my opinion.

So what does everyone think? What would you do? What have you done? And why?

Comments not only welcome, but desperately needed!

Flour Tortillas & Iron Skillets (two-in-one lesson)

I went to a small gathering tonight at June's house with some of the Church folk (and June, I must say -- very cute house and a very nice job hosting the event). Since it was just a couple of says after Cinco de Mayo, we decided to keep with the Mexican theme. Originally, I was going to make Tres Leches, but when I realized last minute that I didn't have enough eggs (shame on me for not having my "mise en place") I went with something decidedly simplier -- flour tortillas.

Flour tortillas are 100 times better than the corn tortillas that most of your are probably used to, and about 1000 times better than those hard-shell "taco shells," which indicentally, don't even exist in Mexico (or if they do, they're not very common).

I spent a year in Mexico (Tijuana/Rosarito) so I like to think I know a thing or two about Mexican food (though I'm certainly no expert). I've seen the flour tortillas made from scratch before, so I had a pretty good idea of what I would need to make them, but just to be sure I did a quick google search. After combining the information I found on the Internet with what I already knew, here is what I ended up doing.

Flour Tortillas

Ingredients:

• 3 cups of unbleached all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons of baking powder
• 1 teaspoon of salt (I used kosher, but I use kosher salt in everything)
• 3 tablespoons of shortening
• 2 tablespoons of margarine
• 1 1/4 cups of warm water (this is approximate -- you may need to adjust)

Note: If you want "healthier" tortillas, omit the shortening and just use about 4 tablespoons of margarine.

Directions:

1. Mix the dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt) in a large bowl.
2. Add the shortening and margarine and use a rubber scraper to cut the shortening and margarine into the flour mixture. If you're super picky about getting this worked in thoroughly, ditch the rubber scraper and use your hands.
3. Add the warm water (doesn't need to be very hot) to the flour mixture a little at a time. Do this in installments so that you don't add to much -- you want the dough to be soft but not sticky.
4. Divide the dough into 12 equal pieces. I highly recommend weighing each piece to ensure they are all the same (if you don't have a digital scale, you need to get one -- it's a kitchen essential). This will make it easier to get consistent cooking time. In the batch I did, each dough ball was about 2.5 ounces.
5. Heat a cast-iron skillet on medium-low heat. You don't want this to be too hot, or your tortiallas will burn. I have an electric stove-top and I kept my skillet around 3 and that seemed to work well.
6. Now's the time to roll out each of your dough balls. Put some flour down on your work area so that the dough doesn't stick. It also helps to lightly dust each ball with flour before you start. Using a rolling pin, start from the center and roll out in every direction until you've make a full circle. Repeat until the tortilla is about the size of your skillet (the dough should be pretty darn thin but not so thin that it has holes or tears when you pick it up).
7. Double-check to make sure your skillet is hot and evenly heated; then place a tortilla in the skillet. Keep a close watch on it as it only takes 10 - 15 seconds on each side to cook. When the first side has lots of nice brown speckles, flip and heat the second side for the about the same amount of time.
   
8. When the tortillas is done, place it in a slightly damp kitchen towel. This will help keep it warm and prevent it from drying out.
9. Once your tortillas are complete, the possibilities are endless. I recommend some shredded cheese, onions, chorizo (spicy mexican sausage) or ham, maybe some bacon bits, salsa verde, and some sour cream all washed down with a Negro Modelo.
10. Don't forget to say a prayer.
11. Then eat and enjoy!

Note: You shouldn't need a spatula or anything to flip the tortillas. Real Mexicans just use their hands, so don't be a whimp.

Part 2 -- The Iron Skillet

The iron skillet is by far the most versitle piece of cookware in your kitcken (if you don't have one, shame on you). Iron skillets are perfect for searing -- no other material heats as evenly or retains its heat as well. There's really nothing you can't do with an iron skillet, and when properly seasoned, you can be very confident that no terrible sticking will occur.

And that is the major point that I wanted to touch on in part two on this blog entry. Several people asked me if the tortillas stick when you cook them in the iron skillet, and the answer is a resounding no! Not one bit!

To be fair, I suspect this is due in large part to the nature of the tortilla (not necessarily to a properly seasoned iron skillet) but a properly seasoned iron skillet certainly can't hurt.

What exactly is "seasoning" or a "seasoned" skillet? Seasoning is the process of applying a thin coat of cooking oil to the entire surface of a piece of cookware (inside and out) and then baking that oil coating into the cookware creating a natrual non-stick surface.

Any descent piece of cast-iron cookware that you buy today will probably be pre-seasoned, which is great, but you should know how to season your cookware yourself anyway. And you should do it once a year at least. Here is how it's done (from Alton Brown's I'm just here for the Food: Chapter 1).

1. Place the pan to be cured (seasoned) on the top rack of a cold oven and place a sheet pan or a baking sheet on the bottom rack (to catch any oil that might drip off).
2. Turn the heat to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. When that pan is warm but still touchable, remove it and spoon in a dollop of solid vegetable shortening. As the shortening melts, use a paper towel to smear the fat all over the pan (inside, outside, handle -- everywhere).
4. Place the pan back in the oven, upside down (which prevents excess fat from pooling in the bottom of the pan.
5. Bake for 1 hour, then turn off the heat and let cool for a few minutes. Carefully remove the pan from the oven (AB recommends using Fireproof gloves).
6. Wipe the pan clean, but don't wash it.

That's all there is to it. It's really not that much work, but if you think it's too much effort just for a piece of cookware, consider what AB has to say about it.

"Some folks sneer at the maintenance required, but considering that ours is the very culture that nurtured Sea Monkeys, Chia Pets, and Pet Rocks, taking care of an iron skillet shouldn't be a problem."

And I couldn't agree more, but if you're still not convinced, consider this:

"Iron is very economical, and cooking with it supplies dietary iron, which a lot of us (especially women) tend to run short on."

So there you go! Do it for me, do it for AB, do it for your own good health. And if you cook lots of bacon in your iron skillet, you will in effect be seasoning it every time you cook. Pretty cool huh? In fact, the truth is, cast-iron only gets better with use. That's why those old, old cast-iron pots and pans that may have been handed down to you from parents and grandparents are probably more "non-stick" than any brand new iron skillet you can buy in the store.

So I hoped you've learned something in this blog entry. If you don't yet have an iron skillet, I hope I've encouraged you to consider buying one. I promise that once you get the hang of cooking with it (it does take a little practice) you will absolutely love it.

Comments Welcome.

Christ Is Risen!

Christ is Risen! - Indeed He Is Risen!
Khristos Voskrese! - Voistinu Voskrese!
Christos Anesti! - Alithos Anesti!
Cristo Ha Resucitado! - En Verdad Ha Resucitado!

Really Good Lemonade

Man oh man, I'm doing horrible with my goal of one post per day. Come to think of it, that's not the only goal for which I'm falling short. I've also failed in my quest to get a really really cheap haircut before Pascha. AND I've failed to go bed by my bedtime (9:00pm) during Lent. Actually, I've been failing pretty consistently at that one for years now.

AND my Ultimate Goal of sitting at home, doing absolutely nothing, and receiving big fat checks in the mail.... haven't accomplished that one yet either.

BUT, there is good news. I have another recipe for everyone. And this one is incredibly simple, and really really good.

Really Good Lemonade:

Ingredients:

• The juice from 5 lemons (sans seeds)
• 10 Tablespoons of sugar (it's really not that much)
• About 2 quarts of ice water

Directions:

1. Mix everything together.
2. Say a prayer.
3. Drink and enjoy!

This recipe seriously couldn't be simpler, and it really tastes fantastic! It will be the best lemon-aid you've ever had -- I promise. If you have a juicer, this will be a snap. If you don't (like me) it might take a few extra minutes to squeeze the lemons by hand, but trust me, it's worth it.

Lenten BORCHT

It's been quite a while since my last post because I've been super busy baking Kulich (yum), building a computer (which turned out to be quite a chore indeed), compiling a Linux kernel (what a disaster that turned out to be) and trying to figure out what to make for Pascha (still no idea what I'm going to cook).

So as you can see, I've got plenty of things I can blog about, but my time is limited. For this reason I decided to get back to basics with this post -- a recipe for BORCHT (pronounced "BOORSHT"). If you're wondering why I keep putting BORCHT in capital letters, allow me to enlighten you.

BORCHT is a Russian/Slavic Beet Soup, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot say (or even think) about the word BORCHT without picturing a stout Russian man wearing a heavy coat and one of those furry hats, with a scowl on his face, shouting "BOORSHT." And I just don't feel that "borcht" accurately conveys the tone of voice and pronunciation of that Russian man in my head.

But I digress.

This recipe was given to me by Mat D (thanks Mat D!). However, I should point out that the original recipe came from Matushka (I think she is a Matushka -- someone correct me if I am wrong) Gerry Glagolev.

LENTEN BORCHT

Indregients:

• 2 onions, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, crushed
• Vegetable oil for saute
• 1 Small head of cabbage, shredded
• Chopped fresh parsley
• Dill
• 1 - 2 Bay leaves
• 1 Can julienne beets (1 pound)
• 1 Can julienne carrots (1 pound)
• 1 Small can of tomato sauce
• 1 Tablespoon of sugar
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 2 - 3 Pieces of sour salt (in the Kosher section of your grocery store)
• Sour cream (optional)

Directions:

1. Saute onions and garlic in oil until semi-brown.
2. Add cabbage and cook until limp.
3. Add parsley and stir together to blend flavors.
4. Add drained vegetables (reserve juice).
5. Fry vegetables in a little of the onion mixture to flavor.
6. Add salt and pepper. Stir well.
7. Add all liquids (reserved water), juices and tomato sauce. Stir.
8. Add sugar, dill, and bay leaf. Stir.
9. Bring to a boil, then simmer 30 minutes.
10. Serve will a dollop of sour cream (if desired).
11. Say a prayer.
12. Eat and enjoy!

Now, I have to say, I don't particularly like BORCHT (sorry Mat D). I just have a lot of trouble eating anything that is the color of Ox blood. But you should be fair to this dish and give it a try (even if you don't like beets). I tried it, and to be perfectly honest, the beets don't overwhelm the soup. I still can't say I love this soup -- I probably won't ever make it myself, but I know there are lots of BORCHT lovers out there, so I felt it was my duty to spread this recipe (hopefully Matushka Gerry won't mind).

Comments welcome.

Popcorn Explosion

Anyone who knows about my obsession with the Food Network should also know that Alton Brown is hands down my absolute favorite cook. I have his first book, Food + Heat = Cooking, and my wife now has his second book, Food + Mixing x Heat = Baking. He's a bit quirky, but that's why I find his show so entertaining.

Anyway, in his first book, he has a chapter all about Microwave cooking. In it, he explains which foods are best suited for the microwave, and (not surprisingly) popcorn tops the list. In fact, you don't even need any fancy pre-packaged Orville Redenbacher popcorn or anything like that. All you need are a few popcorn kernels and a brown paper bag.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

Pour the popcorn [1/3 cup] into a paper bag and fold the top of the bag over twice to close (each bag fold should be 1/2 inch deep; remember, the kernels need room to pop).

Seal the bag with 2 staples only, making sure to place the staples at least 2 to 3 inches apart.

Put the bag in the microwave oven and cook on high power for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the pops are 5 seconds apart.

Remove the bag from the oven and open it carefully, avoiding the steam. Pour the popcorn into a bowl and drizzle it with butter, then toss with salt and cheese, if desired.

Now, I know this recipe might seem strange (hazardous even) since it says to put staples in the microwave, but Alton Brown insists that it is safe. He even took the effort to add this extra note:

"...despite the fact that I had tested this in no fewer than ten different ovens, and despite the fact that the product was delicious and cheaper than dirt, I received tons of angry mail. People were just sure their houses would explode. No. Relax. It's okay."

He goes on to mention that as long as you're using a microwave with a turntable and you don't place the bag where the staples can rub against the wall, nothing bad will happen.

Now, I tried this idea and it worked just fine. No problems at all, and the best part is, it's super cheap!

Well, a few days ago at work, a co-worker of mine was eating some popcorn and he offered some to the rest of us (our boss included). As we were all taking a short popcorn break, I casually mentioned how it was possible to pop popcorn in a brown paperbag with a little bit of salt (oil if you want).

It turns out my boss actually tried this, but his attempt was not nearly as successful as mine. After a few seconds in the microwave, he heard a very loud POP, and when he opened up the microwave he saw a red-hot plate that had shattered into several pieces. Don't ask me what compelled him to pop the popcorn on a plate! I have no idea why you would do that. I mean, does he normally use a plate to pop popcorn? I highly doubt it, but even if he did, the results should be no different -- there's nothing magic about those pre-packaged bags of popcorn afterall.

Now, I can understand using a pie plate in certain instances if your microwave calls for it. My microwave for example, specifically says to use a microwave safe pie plate when popping popcorn, but it says NOTHING about using a normal everyday dinner plate. If my boss's microwave is like mine, I can sort of understand why he put a plate in there, but I really don't feel like I can take any responsibility for it. I mean, c'mon! It's his microwave; I can' t be responsible if he's not following directions.

So he exploded one of his wife's dinner plates, and I feel a little bad since I gave him the idea. But I think I outlined pretty convincingly why I should not be held responsible.

So don't be afraid to try this recipe. And oh yeah! try adding a little bit of brown sugar to the kernals before popping! It's great.

Comments welcome.

See Steve Cook #3

It's Thursday once again, and that means tomorrow is Presanctified. As always, I made a dish for tomorrow's Pot Luck. I decided to make the "Silky Potato and Broccoli Soup" again, since it turned out pretty well last time.

I have to say though, I'm not thrilled with it this time around. Maybe I put too much salt in it, maybe too many onions -- I don't know, but it definitely isn't wonderful.

I don't mean to give the impression that the soup is horrible -- it isn't. It's just too... something. I don't know; I can't figure out what. Maybe I'll get some feedback tomorrow.

Anyway, in the interest of keeping the pattern of my Thursday "See Steve Cook" post, here are some photos of me making the soup (with a little help from a special guest):

This is a photo of me adding some potatoes to the soup. Or maybe I'm adding broccoli here; I can't remember.

And here is my special guest, Llama, chopping potatoes (with a little help from me, because afterall, he's just learning).

And this is a photo of Emily's new Whinnie the Pooh slippers (natal day present). This photo obviously has nothing to do with the soup I was cooking. Evidentally, I briefly lost control of my photographer.

So one more Thursday down, and we're almost at the 5th Sunday of Great Lent. Can you believe it? It's just been flying by for me. That means I only have one more opportunity to make Vegetable Biryani (excellent Indian dish). Man, I'd better get on the ball. Anyone know what cardamom is? Or where I can find it?

Comments welcome.

Oh! What a surprising surprise for me on my Natal Day

So yesterday was my wife's natal day, and, like a good husband, I remembered this in plenty of time to buy her everything I wanted.... err, I mean everything she wanted.

There are two things about Emily that you need to know if you want to be her friend (or in my case, husband).

1. Emily loves chocolate.
2. Emily loves cookies.

With those two critical pieces of knowledge in mind, I set out to buy her the absolute pefect natal day gift -- a Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer (in sunflower yellow)!!

It's awesome! However, the more I thought about it, a Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer is a not exactly the same thing as chocolate (or cookies). This, coupled with that fact that Emily does not cook (she does bake from time to time, and please don't try to tell me that they are the same thing), made me realize that I needed to buy something else if she were going to have a great natal day.

After a few minutes scouring the net, I found the ideal thing -- Alton Brown's new book: "I'm just here for more food (subtitled: food + mixing x heat = baking)."

So I figured I was all set. I mean, what wife wouldn't absolutely love these gifts? With these gifts, Emily will have the ability to make her own cookies or bake a chocolate cake.

Perfect right? Wrong (apparently) because as a friend pointed out to me, though the Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer does allow you make cookies or bake a chocolate cake, it is not (in and of itself) cookies or chocolate.

But as luck would have it, a very wise Bog Dweller informed me of a web site called goodfortunes.com. They sell giant fortune cookies (for all occassions) covered in chocolate with personalized messages inside.

"THAT'S PERFECT" I thought to myself (and yes, I actually thought the capitalization in my head). It's a cookie and it's chocolate!

So I had the cookie delivered to her work on her natal day, and she was very happy.

I gave her the other two gifts when she got home from work, and yes, she liked them too. And for those of you who may want to criticize me for getting Emily gifts that might seem like they are more for me than they are for her, I say to you: PLBTH!

I stand by my decisions. Emily does not cook -- not one bit, but she loves her sweets and everyone knows that sweets come from baking. I on the otherhand, do not bake -- I only cook.

So I think you can agree that these were ideal gifts for Em. If you don't believe me, just look at these photos of Emily (notice the excitement on her face):

Here is Emily with Alton Brown's new book. Notice how much she loves it. She is practically clutching the book for dear life, not wanting anyone (or anything) to take it from her.

And here is Emily with her brand new Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer. Isn't she just beautiful (Emily, not the mixer -- but the mixer is rather attractive as well) as you will see in the next photo.

Ah, there she is... in all her Glory. Something's missing though -- she needs a name. Suggestions? We can't have a nameless Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer now can we?

And so Emily's natal day came to end, almost as quickly as it began. We had we a lot of fun though. We laughed, we cried, we rejoiced over our beautiful Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer. What more could you ask for on your natal day?