Really Good Lemonade

Man oh man, I'm doing horrible with my goal of one post per day. Come to think of it, that's not the only goal for which I'm falling short. I've also failed in my quest to get a really really cheap haircut before Pascha. AND I've failed to go bed by my bedtime (9:00pm) during Lent. Actually, I've been failing pretty consistently at that one for years now.

AND my Ultimate Goal of sitting at home, doing absolutely nothing, and receiving big fat checks in the mail.... haven't accomplished that one yet either.

BUT, there is good news. I have another recipe for everyone. And this one is incredibly simple, and really really good.

Really Good Lemonade:

Ingredients:

• The juice from 5 lemons (sans seeds)
• 10 Tablespoons of sugar (it's really not that much)
• About 2 quarts of ice water

Directions:

1. Mix everything together.
2. Say a prayer.
3. Drink and enjoy!

This recipe seriously couldn't be simpler, and it really tastes fantastic! It will be the best lemon-aid you've ever had -- I promise. If you have a juicer, this will be a snap. If you don't (like me) it might take a few extra minutes to squeeze the lemons by hand, but trust me, it's worth it.

Lenten BORCHT

It's been quite a while since my last post because I've been super busy baking Kulich (yum), building a computer (which turned out to be quite a chore indeed), compiling a Linux kernel (what a disaster that turned out to be) and trying to figure out what to make for Pascha (still no idea what I'm going to cook).

So as you can see, I've got plenty of things I can blog about, but my time is limited. For this reason I decided to get back to basics with this post -- a recipe for BORCHT (pronounced "BOORSHT"). If you're wondering why I keep putting BORCHT in capital letters, allow me to enlighten you.

BORCHT is a Russian/Slavic Beet Soup, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot say (or even think) about the word BORCHT without picturing a stout Russian man wearing a heavy coat and one of those furry hats, with a scowl on his face, shouting "BOORSHT." And I just don't feel that "borcht" accurately conveys the tone of voice and pronunciation of that Russian man in my head.

But I digress.

This recipe was given to me by Mat D (thanks Mat D!). However, I should point out that the original recipe came from Matushka (I think she is a Matushka -- someone correct me if I am wrong) Gerry Glagolev.

LENTEN BORCHT

Indregients:

• 2 onions, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, crushed
• Vegetable oil for saute
• 1 Small head of cabbage, shredded
• Chopped fresh parsley
• Dill
• 1 - 2 Bay leaves
• 1 Can julienne beets (1 pound)
• 1 Can julienne carrots (1 pound)
• 1 Small can of tomato sauce
• 1 Tablespoon of sugar
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 2 - 3 Pieces of sour salt (in the Kosher section of your grocery store)
• Sour cream (optional)

Directions:

1. Saute onions and garlic in oil until semi-brown.
2. Add cabbage and cook until limp.
3. Add parsley and stir together to blend flavors.
4. Add drained vegetables (reserve juice).
5. Fry vegetables in a little of the onion mixture to flavor.
6. Add salt and pepper. Stir well.
7. Add all liquids (reserved water), juices and tomato sauce. Stir.
8. Add sugar, dill, and bay leaf. Stir.
9. Bring to a boil, then simmer 30 minutes.
10. Serve will a dollop of sour cream (if desired).
11. Say a prayer.
12. Eat and enjoy!

Now, I have to say, I don't particularly like BORCHT (sorry Mat D). I just have a lot of trouble eating anything that is the color of Ox blood. But you should be fair to this dish and give it a try (even if you don't like beets). I tried it, and to be perfectly honest, the beets don't overwhelm the soup. I still can't say I love this soup -- I probably won't ever make it myself, but I know there are lots of BORCHT lovers out there, so I felt it was my duty to spread this recipe (hopefully Matushka Gerry won't mind).

Comments welcome.

Popcorn Explosion

Anyone who knows about my obsession with the Food Network should also know that Alton Brown is hands down my absolute favorite cook. I have his first book, Food + Heat = Cooking, and my wife now has his second book, Food + Mixing x Heat = Baking. He's a bit quirky, but that's why I find his show so entertaining.

Anyway, in his first book, he has a chapter all about Microwave cooking. In it, he explains which foods are best suited for the microwave, and (not surprisingly) popcorn tops the list. In fact, you don't even need any fancy pre-packaged Orville Redenbacher popcorn or anything like that. All you need are a few popcorn kernels and a brown paper bag.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

Pour the popcorn [1/3 cup] into a paper bag and fold the top of the bag over twice to close (each bag fold should be 1/2 inch deep; remember, the kernels need room to pop).

Seal the bag with 2 staples only, making sure to place the staples at least 2 to 3 inches apart.

Put the bag in the microwave oven and cook on high power for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the pops are 5 seconds apart.

Remove the bag from the oven and open it carefully, avoiding the steam. Pour the popcorn into a bowl and drizzle it with butter, then toss with salt and cheese, if desired.

Now, I know this recipe might seem strange (hazardous even) since it says to put staples in the microwave, but Alton Brown insists that it is safe. He even took the effort to add this extra note:

"...despite the fact that I had tested this in no fewer than ten different ovens, and despite the fact that the product was delicious and cheaper than dirt, I received tons of angry mail. People were just sure their houses would explode. No. Relax. It's okay."

He goes on to mention that as long as you're using a microwave with a turntable and you don't place the bag where the staples can rub against the wall, nothing bad will happen.

Now, I tried this idea and it worked just fine. No problems at all, and the best part is, it's super cheap!

Well, a few days ago at work, a co-worker of mine was eating some popcorn and he offered some to the rest of us (our boss included). As we were all taking a short popcorn break, I casually mentioned how it was possible to pop popcorn in a brown paperbag with a little bit of salt (oil if you want).

It turns out my boss actually tried this, but his attempt was not nearly as successful as mine. After a few seconds in the microwave, he heard a very loud POP, and when he opened up the microwave he saw a red-hot plate that had shattered into several pieces. Don't ask me what compelled him to pop the popcorn on a plate! I have no idea why you would do that. I mean, does he normally use a plate to pop popcorn? I highly doubt it, but even if he did, the results should be no different -- there's nothing magic about those pre-packaged bags of popcorn afterall.

Now, I can understand using a pie plate in certain instances if your microwave calls for it. My microwave for example, specifically says to use a microwave safe pie plate when popping popcorn, but it says NOTHING about using a normal everyday dinner plate. If my boss's microwave is like mine, I can sort of understand why he put a plate in there, but I really don't feel like I can take any responsibility for it. I mean, c'mon! It's his microwave; I can' t be responsible if he's not following directions.

So he exploded one of his wife's dinner plates, and I feel a little bad since I gave him the idea. But I think I outlined pretty convincingly why I should not be held responsible.

So don't be afraid to try this recipe. And oh yeah! try adding a little bit of brown sugar to the kernals before popping! It's great.

Comments welcome.

See Steve Cook #3

It's Thursday once again, and that means tomorrow is Presanctified. As always, I made a dish for tomorrow's Pot Luck. I decided to make the "Silky Potato and Broccoli Soup" again, since it turned out pretty well last time.

I have to say though, I'm not thrilled with it this time around. Maybe I put too much salt in it, maybe too many onions -- I don't know, but it definitely isn't wonderful.

I don't mean to give the impression that the soup is horrible -- it isn't. It's just too... something. I don't know; I can't figure out what. Maybe I'll get some feedback tomorrow.

Anyway, in the interest of keeping the pattern of my Thursday "See Steve Cook" post, here are some photos of me making the soup (with a little help from a special guest):

This is a photo of me adding some potatoes to the soup. Or maybe I'm adding broccoli here; I can't remember.

And here is my special guest, Llama, chopping potatoes (with a little help from me, because afterall, he's just learning).

And this is a photo of Emily's new Whinnie the Pooh slippers (natal day present). This photo obviously has nothing to do with the soup I was cooking. Evidentally, I briefly lost control of my photographer.

So one more Thursday down, and we're almost at the 5th Sunday of Great Lent. Can you believe it? It's just been flying by for me. That means I only have one more opportunity to make Vegetable Biryani (excellent Indian dish). Man, I'd better get on the ball. Anyone know what cardamom is? Or where I can find it?

Comments welcome.

Oh! What a surprising surprise for me on my Natal Day

So yesterday was my wife's natal day, and, like a good husband, I remembered this in plenty of time to buy her everything I wanted.... err, I mean everything she wanted.

There are two things about Emily that you need to know if you want to be her friend (or in my case, husband).

1. Emily loves chocolate.
2. Emily loves cookies.

With those two critical pieces of knowledge in mind, I set out to buy her the absolute pefect natal day gift -- a Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer (in sunflower yellow)!!

It's awesome! However, the more I thought about it, a Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer is a not exactly the same thing as chocolate (or cookies). This, coupled with that fact that Emily does not cook (she does bake from time to time, and please don't try to tell me that they are the same thing), made me realize that I needed to buy something else if she were going to have a great natal day.

After a few minutes scouring the net, I found the ideal thing -- Alton Brown's new book: "I'm just here for more food (subtitled: food + mixing x heat = baking)."

So I figured I was all set. I mean, what wife wouldn't absolutely love these gifts? With these gifts, Emily will have the ability to make her own cookies or bake a chocolate cake.

Perfect right? Wrong (apparently) because as a friend pointed out to me, though the Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer does allow you make cookies or bake a chocolate cake, it is not (in and of itself) cookies or chocolate.

But as luck would have it, a very wise Bog Dweller informed me of a web site called goodfortunes.com. They sell giant fortune cookies (for all occassions) covered in chocolate with personalized messages inside.

"THAT'S PERFECT" I thought to myself (and yes, I actually thought the capitalization in my head). It's a cookie and it's chocolate!

So I had the cookie delivered to her work on her natal day, and she was very happy.

I gave her the other two gifts when she got home from work, and yes, she liked them too. And for those of you who may want to criticize me for getting Emily gifts that might seem like they are more for me than they are for her, I say to you: PLBTH!

I stand by my decisions. Emily does not cook -- not one bit, but she loves her sweets and everyone knows that sweets come from baking. I on the otherhand, do not bake -- I only cook.

So I think you can agree that these were ideal gifts for Em. If you don't believe me, just look at these photos of Emily (notice the excitement on her face):

Here is Emily with Alton Brown's new book. Notice how much she loves it. She is practically clutching the book for dear life, not wanting anyone (or anything) to take it from her.

And here is Emily with her brand new Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer. Isn't she just beautiful (Emily, not the mixer -- but the mixer is rather attractive as well) as you will see in the next photo.

Ah, there she is... in all her Glory. Something's missing though -- she needs a name. Suggestions? We can't have a nameless Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer now can we?

And so Emily's natal day came to end, almost as quickly as it began. We had we a lot of fun though. We laughed, we cried, we rejoiced over our beautiful Kitchenaid 500 watt Professional 6 quart stand mixer. What more could you ask for on your natal day?

Cooking Sheep (the sheep are cooking, not the act of cooking sheep)

So it appears that 1 and Patrick are not the only animals who enjoy cooking. In fact, I was recently informed that many of 1's distant relatives have taken up cooking as well. They appear to be infatuated with Rachael Ray (which I want to think is strange, but for some reason, I don't).

Here is a message I received via email directly from 8 and 13 (1's cousins):

Hi Steve,

Gregg is letting us use his e-mail to write to you. (We don't have e-mail access -- Gregg and Kira are mean.)

We saw on your blog that our long lost cousin, One, is now cooking! We just wanted to show him that we've been cooking for a while and are quite good at it now! By the way, has One gotten a bath yet? Last time we saw him he desperately needed it........

We tried posting these pictures on the reply screen to your blog, but it wouldn't let us.

In picture #1, you can see how much we love Rachael Ray (we think she is hot!). We especially love her recipe for Stuffed Potatoes with Ham, Thyme, and Gruyere. You can see how 8 is in charge while he reads the recipe to 13, who's cutting the potatoes.

In picture #2, 8 is posing with his most favorite food, the grapefruit!

And in picture #3, 13 is pushing Silk coffee creamer. He loves it with his morning coffee! Yes, he's drinking out of fiesta-ware, and he's not ashamed that he has to sit on an apple to get to the soy-flavored coffee.

Make sure to pass these photos on to One, and feel free to post them on your blog if you want! We'd be happy to do a cook-off with Patrick and One someday.

Thanks,
8 and 13

A giant stuff dog trying to take over my kitchen, sheep obsessed with Rachael Ray... what's next?

A New Chef in Town

We've got trouble people! There's a new chef in town. His name is Patrick the Pup, and he's trying to steal my recipes and pass them off as his own! He's even assembled a team to help him out.

My hidden camera managed to catch some exclusive photos of Patrick and his team caught in the act of ripping off my Spicy Carrot Soup Recipe.

See for yourself if you don't believe me.

This is a photo of Master Chef Patrick stirring the soup. He has no idea that the cameria is on him (obviously).

And here is a picture of Sous Chef, One, chopping carrots for Master Chef Patrick. I'm very dissappointed in One -- switching careers just like that without telling me! He was my "go to guy" every time I had trouble sleeping. Now what am I going to do??

I think it's clear that I have a pretty grave situation on my hands. Not only are these thieves stealing my recipes, they're stealing my ingredients too! Things could get ugly people.

Halushki

Tonight was my first attempt to make Halushki (cabbage, onions, and noodles). It was good, but a little bland -- definitely something missing. If any of the ladies from church read this, I'm sure they'll be able to enlighten me.

If anyone does decide to post a criticism to my recipe though, keep in mind that I didn't follow a recipe. I just guessed, so cut me some slack! Actually, it wasn't all that bad considering it was a guess.

Ingredients:

• 1 head of cabbage, shredded
  
• 3 onions, chopped
• 6 small potatoes, cubed
• A boat-load of margarine (it's not rocket science) + several tablespoons of vegetable oil
  
• Little bit of soy milk (I'm not sure why I put this in honestly)
  
• Salt, Pepper, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder (to taste)
• 12 handfulls of egg noodles (my sized hand, uncooked)

Directions:

1. Cook egg noodles according to package directions. Set aside.
   
2. Heat oil and margarine in large pot.
3. Add onions, cabbage, and potatoes and heat on medium heat until cabbage and potatoes are soft (I heated with the lid on for part of the time -- don't ask why, I just do things sometimes).
4. Add a little bit of soy milk (if you think that's a good idea).
5. Once the cabbage and potatoes are soft, add salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic powder (to taste).
6. Add egg noodles and mix thoroughly.
7. Add more pepper.
8. Add even more pepper.
9. You didn't add enough pepper.
10. Say a prayer.
11. Eat and Joy!

Definitely, definitely something missing with this recipe. It's just not like Halushki that Eva made for the Ukranian Festival. I seem to remember her using eggs and whole milk (maybe that's why soy milk found its way into my recipe). But of course, it is Lent, so those ingredients are off limits.

Also, I'm not sure that garlic powder and onion powder are called for, but my halushki was so bland, that I just felt like it needed something extra.

Comments welcome.

PS. Barbara, if you post a comment, BE NICE. Don't yell at me and tell me I did it all wrong, because I'm already well aware that this recipe isn't ideal.

Get out of my Bog

My sister started a blog! It's called "Get Out of my Bog." It's pretty funny; you should check it out.

She is, quite frankly, a much better writer than I am, which kinda sucks -- you know, blog competition, but whatever. I'm happy to support family.

So head on over to Get Out of my Bog and start posting comments.

Silky Potato and Broccoli Soup

Why "Silky" you ask? Because I make it with Soy Milk! Ok, so I didn't use the Silk brand of soy milk, but calling the soup "Soy Milk Potato and Broccoli Soup" just doesn't sounds as good.

This recipe is pretty good -- not great, but definitely worth trying. I think it could be great with a little modification, but I haven't figured out exactly what it needs yet. Suggestions are welcome.

Ingredients:

• 1 can (14oz) of Vegetable Broth
• 1 can of Budweiser
• 1 Cup of water
• 1 red onion, diced
• 3 to 4 medium sized carrots, sliced into discs
• 3 to 4 stalks of celery, chopped
4 medium sized potatoes, cubed
• 1 medium sized broccoli crown, chopped (chop the whole thing as finely as you can, but don't worry about a few big chunks here and there)
3 cups of soy milk
• 3 Tablespoons of margarine
• 2 Tablespoons of olive oil
• 1 Teaspoon of garlic powder
• 1 Teaspoon of Onion powder
• 2 Tablespons of flour
• Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Add Vegetable both, beer, water, onions and celery to a stock pot. Bring to a boil.
2. Add potatoes, carrots, and broccoli and continue to boil for a few minutes. Then reduce heat to medium-high.
3. Add soy milk, margarine, olive oil.


4. Add flour (preferrably through a sifter so it doesn't clump up), or you might consider mixing the flour into a few tablespoons of the soy milk from the previous step).
5. Add garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper.
6. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 30 to 60 minutes, or until desired thickness.
7. Say a prayer.
8. Eat and enjoy!

Note:
Soy milk should be shaken well before you use it. My soy milk was somewhat frozen, so the first two cups I poured were a little watery. If you shake the soy milk well before pouring, you may not need to add so much. Start conservatively; you can always add more if it isn't creamy enough.

I definitely think this recipe has potential, so I encourage you to give it a try. I'm sure there are plenty of other spices that could make this better, but I wanted to start basic the first time around.

Comments welcome.

Some Genuine Engrish

A while back my friend Katy (or, as she is known down in Mexico, Tyka) emailed me a website called Engrish. They post pictures of foreign products that have English phrases on them, but the words are seldom spelled correctly, and the phrases almost never make any sense. It's pretty funny; I encourage you to check it out.

Anyway, when I was in Tampa the other day, we decided to eat at a Thai restaurant. My sister, being (part Thai/Fire-breathing dragon) wanted to eat her meal with chopsticks, so she asked for a pair, and the waitress was nice enough to bring a pair for each of us.

Lucky day for me! Some very excellent Engrish right on the packaging explaining exactly how one should go about using chopsticks in three easy steps.

1. Tuk under      tnurnb and held firmly
2. Learn how to use your chopsticks Add second chcostick hold it as you hold a pencil
3. Hold tirst chopstick in originai position move the second one up and down Now you can pick up anything:

My personal favorite part of that Enrgish phrase is the : (colon) at the end of step three, but the random spaces between "Tuk under" and "tnurnb" are pretty funny as well.

The cool thing about the Engrish web site is that you can submit genuine Engrish phrases that you find. Maybe I'll submit my findings and see if they make the cut.

Before ending this blog entry, I'll leave you with a very wise Engrish saying:

"We used Enough Milk It. You Will Be Satisfined With The Plentiful Milk Taste." (Engrish of the Day.... April 6, 2005).

Comments welcome.

See Steve Cook #2

Presanctified is on Wednesday this week -- a departure from the traditional Friday service. I think it's becuase Fr. Ted is out of town Friday, but I'm not entirely sure if that's the reason or not.

In any case, what this means for me is that I have to do my weekly pot-luck cooking on Tuesday this week, rather than on Thursday.

I decided to try a dessert this time around -- a twist actually, on a recipe I posted last week: Lenten Banana-Coconut Pie. I liked that recipe, but I opted for some different flavors for the pot-luck version, thinking that it might appeal to a wider range of people.

The recipe? Well it's a sort of Lemon/Vanilla/Coconut/Almond concoction, and I haven't yet come up with a name that I'm happy with. Maybe y'all can help me? I've posted a picture below so you can see what it looks like as well as a list of names I'm considering.

• Lemon Cream Pie with Crushed Almonds and Toasted Coconut
• Coconut-Lemon Dream Pie
• Lemon-Vanilla Dream Whip Pie
• Lemon-Vanilla Pie with Almonds and Toasted Coconut

In trying to keep consistent with last week's "Day before Presanctified" post, here are some actions photos of me hard at work on this delicious dessert:

On the right is a photo of me measuring out the soy milk for the pie filling. Notice how focused I am on the task at hand, not allowing anything to break my concentration -- not even the smoke detector going off because I burned the first batch of coconut I was toasting. You'd be surprised how bad burned coconut smells.

 

And here on the left, is me using sign language to indicate (quite clearly) that no one else is allowd in my kitchen while I'm working on one of my cullinary masterpieces. I believe this is the universal symbol that chefs from all over the world use when they don't want anyone bothering them in the kitchen.

 

I'm excited to see what everyone thinks of this pie. I haven't yet tried it myself, but I have a feeling it's going to be good -- better even than the Banana-Coconut Pie.

Tomorrow, I'll find out what everyone really thinks. If the reaction is as good as it was for the Carrot Soup, I'll be pretty darn happy.

As always, comments welcome.

Vegetable Barley Soup

This is an excellent recipe that I highly recommend (especially if you're looking for a hearty meatless soup).

I can't take credit for the majority of this recipe, but I did add my own personal touches (the beer is obviously mine, not to mention the serrano chilis. Plus, I added a few vegetables that weren't originally called for and left out some that were).

I made this recipe for my family the other day, and it was definitely a hit. The fact that I did it from memory and remembered just about everything made it even more impressive.

Here's the recipe (this yields a HUGE pot of soup by the way, so if you don't have anything bigger than a 6qt stock pot, you might consider cutting this in half).

Ingredients:

• 5 to 6 cups vegetable broth (possibly more, or a few cups of water -- this soup has a tendency to get really thick, which isn't what you want; you want some "soupiness" to your soup, so have extra broth or water on hand and ready to go).
• 1 can or bottle of beer (any kind -- I've used both MDG and Budweiser Select with success, and don't worry, the alcohol cooks out)
• 1/2 teaspoon of red wine vinegar (or more or less, whatever)
• 1 cup of barley
• 1 large can of diced tomatoes (28oz, non-flavored)
• 3 to 4 stalks of celery, chopped
• 1 to 2 medium-sized onions, diced
• 3 to 5 medium-sized carrots, chopped
• 1 or 2 small potatoes, cubed (or leave them out if you want)
• 3 bay leaves
• About 12 cloves of garlic, minced (no joke -- I almost used an entire bulb. Trust me, it's good)
• 1 tablespoon of Basil and/or Parsley (whichever you like better, or both if you want)
• 1 teaspoon of oregano
• 1 tablespoon of kosher salt (or to taste)
• 2 to 3 teaspoons of black pepper
• 1 teaspoon of paprika
• 1 to 2 teaspoons of chili flakes (the more the better I think)
• 3 to 4 serrano chilis, finely diced (jalapeños are ok I guess, but I they're kinda whimpy).  If you are a baby, use jalapeños.
• 1 can of garbanzo beans (including liquid)
• 2 to 3 tablespoons of olive oil (or safflower oil)
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

Directions:

1. Add garlic, onions, and oil to a cold stock pot. Put heat on medium-high and let the garlic and onion flavor gradually infuse with the oil (maybe 5 to 15 minutes; just don't burn the garlic).
2. Add in celery and carrots (and potatoes if you're using them); saute for a min or two.
3. Add vegetable broth, diced tomatoes, red wine vinegar and beer.
4. Add barley and garbanzo beans to the liquid, and bring to a boil.
5. Add Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper, paprika, basil/parsley, oregano, chili flakes, and serrano chilis.
6. Cover and let simmer for about 30 minutes, stirring occasionally (keep an eye on it with the lid on though, as the abundance of starch in this soup can cause it to boil over).
7. Taste the soup, and add more spices if necessary. If barley or potatoes are not soft enough, cook a little while longer (actually, I recommend just letting it simmer uncovered for as long as possible, as the soup will only get more flavorful the longer you do this).
8. If the soup seems too thick, you can add a cup or two of water or more broth. There are enough spices that some water won't dilute the flavor too much.  
9. Say a prayer.
10. Eat and enjoy.

FINAL NOTE: It's really important to make sure this soup isn't too thick.  You want it to actually feel like soup in terms of its texture.  It shouldn't be like chili, but it also shouldn't be too watered down -- it should be a "hearty" soup.  And it's also really good if you can leave it simmering on low for as long as possible (an hour or so ideally, maybe two).  If you do this, you'll find that you have to stir frequently, and occasionally add a half cup or a cup of water to keep it from getting too thick.

This soup goes really well with almost all kinds of bread, so be sure to have a few slices to serve along with it. Not at all bad with a mild red wine either. I served it with a Shiraz/Cabernet and it was quite good.

Comments Welcome.

Southwest Flight 1065

Our flight was 30 minutes delayed this morning because of a "broken seat." For most people, this isn't a big deal, but if you're like me, the minute you hear "broken seat" you immediately start thinking of all the possible translations:

• Engine trouble
• Problems with the landing gear
• Malfunctioning filange
• NO filange (c'mon people, I know you've all seen the last episode of Friends)

The airline industry can't fool me. "Broken seat" is really just a euphamism -- something to make us feel better about the delay. They wouldn't dare reveal the real problem with the plane. And it's a good thing too, otherwise I probably wouldn't get on.

Once we got on the plane, there were several seats blocked off with signs that read "Do Not Occupy." This lead me to believe that they really did have an issue with the seats after all. Evidentally though, the attempts to fix them were unsuccessful.

Emily and I found seats somewhere neat the back and setled in for what was estimated to be about a 2 hour flight. The flight attendants went through their usual routine where they randomly point in every direction (presumeably so that we know where the emergency exits are), then demonstrate all of the steps required to securely fasten the air with a seatbelt.

Now, I don't know about you, but I think this is a mightly useful thing to know how to do, and I for one am grateful for these potentially life-saving demonstrations.

The Pilot was unlike any pilot I've ever had before. He was uncharicteristicly funny. He made all of the usual announcements, but after mentioning that smoking was not permitted on the flight, he added "smoking in the lavratory is a $2000 fine. If you want to spend that much on a plane ticket, you fly US Air."

When it came to serious stuff though, he was all business. "In the event that we experience a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down from the ceiling above you. If you are traveling with a child or someone who needs assistance, put on your own mask first, and then assist the person traveling with you. If you are traveling with more than one child, pick your favorite."

HA! "Pick your favorite." I love that. Very amusing, and it helps put the passengers at ease before take-off.

And eventually we did take off, and after somewhat of a rough ascent, the plane leveled and we had a reasonably comfortable flight. The Vanilla Wafers and package of 7 slightly salted peanuts that constituted our lunch (or more officially, our "in-flight snack") left a little something to be desired, but hey -- Southwest flight, you get what you pay for.

My eyes are blurry now, and my stomach is churning, probably because I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. My body is telling me it's time to nap, and that means it's time to end this blog entry.

Comments welcome.

Flying (what the airlines don't want you to know)

It's 530am now. I'm up so early b/c I have a flight down to Florida in a few hours. I'm not looking forward to this flight very much -- I hate flying and airplane food sucks.

Flying is, incidentally, the most dangerous way to travel (followed by roller coasters, motorcycles, and then walking). A lot of peple don't realize this. Most people believe what the airline industry wants you to believe -- that airplanes are the "safest" way to travel. Yeah, sure. If by "safest" you mean "more dangerous than roller coasters" than yeah, totally!

Anyway, if you're reading this blog, and it's between the hours of 6am and about 1pm on Saturday, April 2nd, please pray for our flight! If you missed the window, start praying for our return flight (it's on Tuesday). Hopefully I'll be able to relax enough to actually enjoy our trip to Florida. Generally, the minute I get to my destintation, I start worrying about the return flight and can't enjoy any of the vacation.

Honestly, we should just drive to Florida -- slightly slower, but much safer.

Comments (and prayers) welcome.

Carrot Success

I declare the Carrot Soup a success! Everyone at the pot luck seemed to like it, and if anyone thought it was horrible, he (or she) politely kept that opinion quiet.

A few people commented on the spiciness, but I assure you, by "FireGirl" standards, this soup was terribly whimpy.

All in all, I'm very pleased with the reaction I received. I have to admit, I was a bit afraid that I'd be left with a giant pot of soup at the end of the night. But alas! This was not so. It was basically all eaten, and I, personally, did not even have a single bowl.

Not bad for a Steve original. Not bad at all.